Archive for the ‘Sports’ category

Post-Tryout Rant

April 1st, 2011

I know Ben had one of these after the soccer tryout, so I guess I’m following the tradition of failure.

There are many reasons why I enjoy watching sports. I guess one of them is that it is one of the few places outside of fiction where you can find happy endings. Sports have many rules, and analysts can pore over complex statistics for months. But ultimately, sports are quite simple. You know what the objective is, you know who your opponent is, and if you score more points than the other team, you win. It doesn’t matter who was favored to win beforehand, it doesn’t matter if the world hates you. There are no politics involved. There is no one to impress. You put the ball in the net, or across the line, or over the wall, and you win. That’s it.

The great thing is that these aren’t movies. These people actually work hard, actually win these games, and sometimes, it results in a great story.

Life is not like that. Yes, sports are more real than a scripted movie, but they are still light years away from how real life works. The concrete rules that must be obeyed. The ability of anyone to succeed, regardless of background and connections. The team that loyally fights alongside you on the journey. The clear cut goals: you win this game, you win the championship. There is nothing of the sort in real life.

Over the last week or so, it seems like there have been an increasing amount of people inquiring about where I want to go to college. First off, maybe it’s just me, but it seems uncessarily nosy and an invasion of privacy. Maybe for adults, its just their best attempt to make small talk, but for other AHS students…yeah. We all know that beneath the surface, we are all competing with each other, and trying to find out what we can about each other. Part curiousity, maybe, but also just finding any way to get a clearer glimpse at the college picture.

The other problem, is that they usually don’t just ask where I want to go, and walk away when I say I don’t really know. The question usually goes something like this (Imagine in obnoxious tones):

“Where do you want to go to college? Harvard? Stanford? … No, of course you’ll be able to get in with your SAT score!”

No. Fuck that. Fuck Stanford. Fuck Harvard. Fuck the SAT.

This is either the result of a lack of understanding of how the college app process works, or, more likely, a form of the subtle kind of insulting while complimenting someone that happens so often in Arcadia. Hard to explain, but I think you guys know what I’m talking about. Unless I’m just crazy.

What is also annoying is that it reminds me of the reality that I won’t be going to those schools. It looks like most likely, I’ll be attending one of the boring, Asian-infested UC schools. Hopefully, a better, more interesting out-of-state college, but who knows the chances on that. Like I said, the system of winning is only clear in sports.

Ok, so I went 529 words without actually getting to what this post is because of, which is me finding out that I didn’t make the first cut of Gov Team tryouts. I’m normally a pessimistic person, but I actually thought I would make this. I already had visions of how fun it would be next year, and how it could mean I would actually enjoy senior year, the only one of my high school years to have that distinction. At the very least, I thought I would make the first cut. But all those optimistic views of senior year are gone pretty fast. And that also brings to reality those other foolish optimistic visions for senior year, like being social, getting with the girl I like, and getting an acceptance letter from a school I really want to go to.

As I was just telling Ben on IM, I am not mad at Mr. Fox or the Gov Team people. I had Mr. Fox as a teacher, and he, to my knowledge, is both intelligent and fair. I don’t know for sure why I didn’t make it, and people seemingly less qualified did. My dad wants me to ask Mr. Fox, maybe I will, I don’t know. Well, I knew beforehand that thinking fast live was not a strength of mine. Public speaking and having a good image for sure were weaknesses. Maybe I was too confident in my arguements, which weren’t particularly good. Maybe my teachers have very unfavorable opinions of me. Who knows.

But the point is that I was not qualified for something I actually thought I had a chance in. I thought that I was more knowledgable in politics than most other students. I thought that my arguments were fairly solid after having to develop my skills in debates with my dad. I thought that I had somehow put up a pretty good performance despite being fairly bad at the whole speaking thing. It looks like I was wrong.

Back to the whole sports thing, life is a chaotic mess. You don’t know what you need to do to “score points” or “beat the other team” or “win the game” .  Sometimes what you think is right is wrong. Sometimes you can screw up, and end up benefiting somehow. And sometimes, no matter what you do, there is no way to win.

I don’t know what exactly the case is, and I don’t know what I should do next, or exactly how much this incident means for my future, both immediate and long-term. But in navigating the vicious  storm of life, this is another indication of how unsuccessful I have been so far.

Soccer Tryouts

October 16th, 2009

This post has been permanently archived, as an important leaf in the tree of my life. Please enjoy this wacky post to your heart’s content.

Currently bingeing on banana-flavored milk while reflecting on my day. As usual, I like to remember how my day goes, so I can look back on my Sophomore life in my Junior year and be envious of myself.

Let’s rename my class schedule. The names don’t really fit.

  1. Sophomore English H / Villalobos = Watching Movies and Doing Math Homework
  2. PE / O’Brian = Euphemism for “Torture”
  3. Orchestra 3 / Forbes&England = Letting the World Hear How Much I Suck
  4. Pre-Calculus / Daniel = Comedy Show (feat. Hank Lin)
  5. Mandarin 4 / Hung = Naptime
  6. AP Physics / Zhang = More Naptime

Lol, I got 52/52 on the math test. That’s a failure, cuz I shoulda gotten 53/52. In AP Physics everybody thinks I’m like the class genius (I’m not… really; it’s not like I ever study for that class or anything), and Mr. Zhang ignores me when I nap in class. Napping in 6th period is really pleasant. It’s the perfect time of day for an afternoon nap. His room is warm, his chair is comfortable, and the atmosphere is pleasant.

Now that I think about it, usually I end up napping through the entire afternoon, Mandarin and Physics. Hahaha.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Now to write about the tryouts for Arcadia High School’s soccer team. Our soccer team isn’t particularly good. We’re not famous, we’re not league champions, and we might even be one of our region’s worst soccer teams. Perhaps I was misguided and slightly overconfident in trying out for this team.

First, I’ll start out with… why soccer?

I have always loved playing soccer. Ever since I was little, my parents let me play on the AYSO. Every weekend we would head over to Live Oak Park for a lively game of soccer. Two weekdays were designated as soccer practice days, and those lively hours are deeply etched into my heart.

However, I must make you aware: I was the worst player on the team. Always. In my, what, six plus years of AYSO soccer, I was never much of a player. I never really made any goals; only goals that people let me make. I never really contributed much to the team.

By the way, for some reason, even though I was always the worst player dragging down the team, all the teams I was in ended up doing really well. In one year, we were even League Champions (I know!).

So, there I was. The little freshman in the corner, watching all his upperclassman walk by. Nobody notices him. Nobody greets him. Of course not.

Sports teams. I always thought athletic team members were really cool. On their game days, they would walk around school, attend classes in their uniforms. Everybody would greet him with a friendly “hey” or an amiable punch on the shoulder. The teacher would smile and ask about how his team was doing, and he would engage in a lively conversation with everybody around him.

Perhaps it was that ability. That ability might have been… what I was, what I am really seeking. That ability… to be able to start a conversation with anyone. To be able to talk to strangers, do favors for them, and receive favors from them in return. To help others; to be sociable; show them respect yet treat them as if you had known them for your whole life.

Either way, I can talk about my inner uncertainties, my deepest anxieties, in detail later. This post was about soccer. I almost forgot.


I signed up for soccer team tryouts in my freshman year. Went to the meeting. However, I chickened out… well not entirely, I had something else to do on that Friday, so I didn’t attend the tryouts, and I got my transportation money refunded.

Sophomore year. Staring at the Athletics form. Soccer team. Yes? No?

“Hurry up and decide,” I thought to myself. “It doesn’t really matter, anyways. If you don’t want to, you can always quit and get a refund like last year.”

But something burned inside of me; that desire of which I have spoken of (see above). I wanted to be on the soccer team. I wanted to dress in that jersey. I wanted to be the one everybody went up to, the one everyone admired. I’m probably being somewhat selfish, somewhat egotistical; however, I’d really like to remember what my feelings were on October 16, 2009. Isn’t that what all my posts for?

Anyways, onto what happened today. Wow… I haven’t even started talking about today’s tryouts, and it’s already like a three-page essay. I pwn.


The entire day, I was wavering over this issue. I brought my cleats with me. I brought my shorts, I brought my short-sleeved comfortable shirt. I brought my determination. Off on a tangent, I grew a whole cluster of cold sores yesterday, and it really pissed me off the entire day. It made me look ugly, too.

Period 6. AP Physics. End of a long day. End of a long week. Friday. Last day. Weekends. Freedom. Anime.

However, it was not to be. My happiness was still a couple continents away.

I met up with a bunch of freshmen who were trying out for the team. It was a hot day. Too hot. Unbearably hot; yet I bore the heat. Thirsty? Tired? The soccer team of Arcadia High School casts aside those dejected feelings. Once practice starts, they drop their gear. They drop their homework, their textbooks. They forget it all, they head out, and do you know what they do? They play soccer.

Maybe that is the one thing in my life I will never be able to do. I was born to genius mother, genius father. Study, work hard, and go to the best college. Learn, innovate, improve society. Earn money. Change the world. Find happiness somehow in that jumble of responsiblities.

Play soccer? What a joke. Of course I can play soccer. I can play perfectly well. I might not be able to face off against a Hispanic jock kid, but I can hold my own against the average white kid. I’ve been playing for years. What are you talking about? Of course I can play soccer.

What are you doing here?

What… what are you asking me? I don’t quite understand.

What are you doing?

Are you here to play soccer? What are you doing? What are you doing right now?

As I stand on the dead green field. The fatigue has soaked in. The heat, too. Nobody on the team seemed to like me, either. Of course, none of them were Asians, but that shouldn’t matter. I see all of them flirting and talking dirty with Asian girls. The white kids, the black kids, the Hispanics have no problem associating. Maybe it’s not their problem. Why would it be? It’s me against them. Me against the Arcadia Soccer Team. Me against society. Me vs. world.

Why does it have to be like this? I might not be as good as you guys at this game, but I really love it! I respect how well you play! I think you are all really cool. You guys have the best in life, you enjoy your perpetual happiness every day. No worries about Honors or APs! All you need to care about is having fun! All you need to do is play hard and have fun! Your only two responsibilities in life! YOUR ONLY TWO!

Why, then? Why can’t you accept me? Why am I not suitable to talk to? Say “hey” to me! Greet me in the hallways! Chat with me, talk about anything! I know a lot. I have a lot of knowledge to share. Why does nobody care to hear? Why does nobody want to peer into my mind, to admire both the beauty and the shame?

These feelings, the whole, the entirety of it all; it cannot be expressed in a finite sequence of words. (Nor, do I think, are they representable with an infinite series formula.) Can nobody solve this problem? This is too challenging, even for a math Olympian’s mind. All we do is memorize formulas anyways, and I don’t know the formula for finding happiness, I’m afraid.

Perhaps this post is getting a bit too emotional. Maybe I’m being too honest. Maybe it’s time to put on that façade and let everything be normal again. My igloo of math and anime will keep me safe. I will be safe, always. What if the bright sun comes out? Will it melt my igloo? Will I be safe then?

Only time can tell. I’m sure it will not be cloudy for much longer. Just two more years, and then perhaps the sun will shine on me in college. Then I can melt away this igloo and find my peace and love. Wasn’t that the American idealism? Peace and love. PEACE AND LOVE!

Well, for now, let’s tone down the soliloquies and monologues here. Just for a moment. Alright. Let’s continue.


We started out with a simple two laps around the field, then some stretches and exercises. Nothing too tough (besides the fact that I still have a cold, and the hidden nose-wiping became extremely unsettling). Then we got out the balls. I helped drag out one of the extra soccer goals. It was heavy, and hard work, but it was still satisfying. I still felt positively about the tryout, at that time.

It was fun at first. We passed the balls, shot at the goal, defended and attacked. We worked on our teamwork, our skills, and they judged our soccer prowess.

Everybody there was a freshman. And yet, everybody there was better than me. By leagues and bounds (I realize this idiom is “leaps and bounds”, but please let me blog in peace). It wasn’t anything particularly surprising, or at least it shouldn’t have been.

And then this freshman comes up to me. He looks dumb. He probably gets C’s, even when he tries hard. I see no future in him. No impact on society. He may grow up to be some janitor in some corporate complex, or a McDonald’s clerk. Maybe at best he’ll be a roofing salesman or a window contractor.

Yet, he says, to me. He says to me. “What are you doing?

He says this to me. To me. He said it.

What am I doing, and what am I doing on this field? In these shoes? In this outfit? What am I here for? What do I hope to achieve by being here? What have I sacrificed to stand on this field right now? What do I get for my troubles? Will I make the team? Absolutely not. Will I get to know some of the members by talking to them during the tryout? No, I won’t. Do I have anything to gain? Anything to gain for trying out? Anything to gain for working my butt off doing this? Basically, as far as they’re concerned, I’m just here to shag balls for them. I can help move things around, do their grunt work for them. Is this really that interesting to you, to sacrifice your time, your youth, and your… anime… to be here shagging balls for them, and receiving for this work, only the feelings of shame and embarrassment?

Is it my fault?

Is it my fault in the first place? Is it my fault that I am not as good at soccer? Compared to these Hispanics? They go to the park, they play soccer for four hours every weekend while barbecuing and partying. Ever since they were two, they’ve probably been out on the field every week. Soccer probably flows through their blood. It makes up their soul.

It was then, I realized. What is my soul? What is my purpose in life? My goal? What am I seeking? What will bring me happiness, and how can I attain it?

I am young. I am young and have yet the energy to achieve my dreams.


Everybody wants things that they don’t have. If they had it, they would then begin wanting something different.

It’s human nature. I suppose we can’t help it, eh?

The grass on the other side of the hill always looks greener.

Random Thoughts

October 12th, 2009

After using a graphing calculator for so long, a scientific one feels like a toy.

Shannon Brown of the Lakers jumps super high. He has about a 46 inch vertical. To put that in perspective, he could stand in front of Hanning, then jump straight up, and his feet would be about at Hanning’s jaw. I think. Well, he jumped over a 7’4″ guy and dunked. So yeah.

Jaguars player Quinten Groves was on his way to the Jacksonville airport when he crashed two other cars, and ran over someone. He got out, gave quick insurance info, and tried to drive away. A witness then drove and cut him off, allowing the police to come. He wasn’t arrested, and made it to the airport in time to get to the game and do absolutely nothing. We lost 41-0.

We got our presentation grades for AP Bio today. Everyone got 20/20. I think it was just for him to stare at the girls when they talked.

To people in my PE class: You should be able to swim by now.

To people in my Spanish class: Stop asking me about everything. Why can’t you ask the Indian guy behind me? He has a higher grade. I thought having only the 2nd highest grade would prevent people from asking me stuff, but there’s so many stupid people that both of us, and soem other people, get annoyed.

To Asian Studies class: Just because it’s Asian Studies, doesn’t mean we’re not still in America. English please.

Wow, 250 words already. That’s like, 1/4 essay. Why can’t I write this quickly on Mists?

k, there was something else, but I forgot.


October 1st, 2009

Kampfer is out (yay first Fall09 anime!), but pfft slow subbing groups >>

Lol, why did I start out a “my life” post with something about anime. Anywho.

Today was SO TIRING…

and I got enough sleep yesterday too!

Why was it so tiring today? I’m not sure. I finished all of today’s math homework yesterday already, and I actually remembered to do my Chinese homework. I kind of forgot about my hospital volunteering, but luckily my mom volunteered to pick me up to change, and then drive me there.

Maybe I started the day off weird. English was kind of a total bore… although we’re doing something great for our project :x

P.E. today was the usual. Badminton, it’s always fun. Plus I got to have a series of semi-meaningful conversations with Justin involving a portable stowable battery-powered super microwave lunchbox.

Orchestra was… why am I even here >_< By this time I've started randomly questioning my purpose in life. Math was pleasant, I always love that class. Got maybe half of tomorrow's homework done. Everybody's just so hilarious in that class, I love Hank and Dun and Alfred and everybody else~~ For lunch, I was planning on going to the library and "studying" for my AP Physics test (by reading the book and doing one or two problems) for about 15 minutes before getting lunch... guess what? There was a swarm of maybe like THIRTY people in the library, FRANTICALLY studying for Mr. Zhang's AP physics test!! UGH! PEOPLE! STAY AWAY FROM ME! so as a result I had a horrible lunch... and then it was Mandarin. It's a nice, relaxing class. We had a funny moment when Mrs. Hung couldn't figure out how to turn on the air conditioning (since Mrs. Brown always did it for her, hahaha~) On a side note, I am constantly ashamed at myself for knowing so few characters. I don't even think I can read a newspaper yet... Last class of the day was AP Physics. Of course, I didn't study AT ALL, and I didn't do ANY of the homework he assigns (well... I never do AP Physics homework, not that he ever checks it). That is a formula for failure. ... do I sound like Hanning? Lol, if I come back and like I got another 120% on that test, you guys have my permission to laugh at me >< ~~~ oh... and STUPID PALLAVI AND SAM... STILL haven't finished with the math team tryouts! Haha, whatever, I guess. There are more important things than Math Team. Also SOMEBODY PLEASE REMIND ME!!! SOCCER TEAM MEETING AT LUNCH TOMORROW~ also, guys, post comments when you read posts, so I can know how little MY life sucks compared to YOURS, or w/e. ^^

Too much anime here, here’s some sports to neutralize it

September 18th, 2009

Current statuses of my sports teams:


Offseason right now, not much going on. We have signed Ron Artest

» Read more: Too much anime here, here’s some sports to neutralize it