Post-Tryout Rant

April 1st, 2011 by k Leave a reply »

I know Ben had one of these after the soccer tryout, so I guess I’m following the tradition of failure.

There are many reasons why I enjoy watching sports. I guess one of them is that it is one of the few places outside of fiction where you can find happy endings. Sports have many rules, and analysts can pore over complex statistics for months. But ultimately, sports are quite simple. You know what the objective is, you know who your opponent is, and if you score more points than the other team, you win. It doesn’t matter who was favored to win beforehand, it doesn’t matter if the world hates you. There are no politics involved. There is no one to impress. You put the ball in the net, or across the line, or over the wall, and you win. That’s it.

The great thing is that these aren’t movies. These people actually work hard, actually win these games, and sometimes, it results in a great story.

Life is not like that. Yes, sports are more real than a scripted movie, but they are still light years away from how real life works. The concrete rules that must be obeyed. The ability of anyone to succeed, regardless of background and connections. The team that loyally fights alongside you on the journey. The clear cut goals: you win this game, you win the championship. There is nothing of the sort in real life.

Over the last week or so, it seems like there have been an increasing amount of people inquiring about where I want to go to college. First off, maybe it’s just me, but it seems uncessarily nosy and an invasion of privacy. Maybe for adults, its just their best attempt to make small talk, but for other AHS students…yeah. We all know that beneath the surface, we are all competing with each other, and trying to find out what we can about each other. Part curiousity, maybe, but also just finding any way to get a clearer glimpse at the college picture.

The other problem, is that they usually don’t just ask where I want to go, and walk away when I say I don’t really know. The question usually goes something like this (Imagine in obnoxious tones):

“Where do you want to go to college? Harvard? Stanford? … No, of course you’ll be able to get in with your SAT score!”

No. Fuck that. Fuck Stanford. Fuck Harvard. Fuck the SAT.

This is either the result of a lack of understanding of how the college app process works, or, more likely, a form of the subtle kind of insulting while complimenting someone that happens so often in Arcadia. Hard to explain, but I think you guys know what I’m talking about. Unless I’m just crazy.

What is also annoying is that it reminds me of the reality that I won’t be going to those schools. It looks like most likely, I’ll be attending one of the boring, Asian-infested UC schools. Hopefully, a better, more interesting out-of-state college, but who knows the chances on that. Like I said, the system of winning is only clear in sports.

Ok, so I went 529 words without actually getting to what this post is because of, which is me finding out that I didn’t make the first cut of Gov Team tryouts. I’m normally a pessimistic person, but I actually thought I would make this. I already had visions of how fun it would be next year, and how it could mean I would actually enjoy senior year, the only one of my high school years to have that distinction. At the very least, I thought I would make the first cut. But all those optimistic views of senior year are gone pretty fast. And that also brings to reality those other foolish optimistic visions for senior year, like being social, getting with the girl I like, and getting an acceptance letter from a school I really want to go to.

As I was just telling Ben on IM, I am not mad at Mr. Fox or the Gov Team people. I had Mr. Fox as a teacher, and he, to my knowledge, is both intelligent and fair. I don’t know for sure why I didn’t make it, and people seemingly less qualified did. My dad wants me to ask Mr. Fox, maybe I will, I don’t know. Well, I knew beforehand that thinking fast live was not a strength of mine. Public speaking and having a good image for sure were weaknesses. Maybe I was too confident in my arguements, which weren’t particularly good. Maybe my teachers have very unfavorable opinions of me. Who knows.

But the point is that I was not qualified for something I actually thought I had a chance in. I thought that I was more knowledgable in politics than most other students. I thought that my arguments were fairly solid after having to develop my skills in debates with my dad. I thought that I had somehow put up a pretty good performance despite being fairly bad at the whole speaking thing. It looks like I was wrong.

Back to the whole sports thing, life is a chaotic mess. You don’t know what you need to do to “score points” or “beat the other team” or “win the game” .  Sometimes what you think is right is wrong. Sometimes you can screw up, and end up benefiting somehow. And sometimes, no matter what you do, there is no way to win.

I don’t know what exactly the case is, and I don’t know what I should do next, or exactly how much this incident means for my future, both immediate and long-term. But in navigating the vicious  storm of life, this is another indication of how unsuccessful I have been so far.

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10 comments

  1. Benji says:

    This is either the result of a lack of understanding of how the college app process works, or, more likely, a form of the subtle kind of insulting while complimenting someone that happens so often in Arcadia.

    I get so much of that backhanded complimenting. And usually it’s not even very well-covered, and I’m supposed to, what, thank them!?

    Back to the whole sports thing, life is a chaotic mess. You don’t know what you need to do to “score points” or “beat the other team” or “win the game” .  Sometimes what you think is right is wrong. Sometimes you can screw up, and end up benefiting somehow. And sometimes, no matter what you do, there is no way to win.

    What was it, you learn more from a defeat than you do from a victory? Cliched beyond redemption, yes, but the key idea here is that what counts is the hill you view things from. Maybe Gov Team wasn’t that grassy and green after all. Let’s try something else. No harm, no foul. Picked up some good practice for college interviews along the way.

    I don’t know what exactly the case is, and I don’t know what I should do next, or exactly how much this incident means for my future, both immediate and long-term.

    Not much. Going to a top college doesn’t make that much of a difference in the first place, arguably.

    But in navigating the vicious  storm of life, this is another indication of how unsuccessful I have been so far.

    I think you’re overlooking or belittling the successes you have had. Just keep swimming.

  2. k says:

    I get so much of that backhanded complimenting. And usually it’s not even very well-covered, and I’m supposed to, what, thank them!?

    Yeah, I hate it, lol.

    What was it, you learn more from a defeat than you do from a victory? Cliched beyond redemption, yes, but the key idea here is that what counts is the hill you view things from. Maybe Gov Team wasn’t that grassy and green after all. Let’s try something else. No harm, no foul. Picked up some good practice for college interviews along the way.

    lol, so many random cliches. I’ve never heard of the hill one. And yeah, maybe it’s not, but everything I’ve seen pointed to it being something I wanted to get into, and not getting in doesn’t change that. And like Mr. D said, practicing bad doesn’t help you.

    Not much. Going to a top college doesn’t make that much of a difference in the first place, arguably.

    Well people always say that, but I think it does make a difference. Or even if not, well, that’s the only benchmark of success right now in AHS, even if it isn’t a good or healthy one.

    I think you’re overlooking or belittling the successes you have had. Just keep swimming.

    Well, I don’t remember that much success, and none of it seems to be that useful at this time. (lol, this exactly fits in with your “overlooking or belittling”, but I think it’s true)

  3. Benji says:

    lol, so many random cliches. I’ve never heard of the hill one. And yeah, maybe it’s not, but everything I’ve seen pointed to it being something I wanted to get into, and not getting in doesn’t change that. And like Mr. D said, practicing bad doesn’t help you.

    I was trying to reference the “grass is always greener on the other (side of the) hill” thesis I used in my soccer post. With my bad, non-AP English skills.

    Hahaha, Mr. D said that? That’s totally quotable.

    Everything has pointed to Gov Team being desirable? It didn’t pique my interest enough to even warrant attending the initial meeting. They’re not going to be doing anything amazing next year in all likelihood. Of course I am completely ignorant and know nothing about the team and what they do and what they won this year, but I recall hearing they did horribly this year.

    And I may be openly insulting them, but I know a lot of people on Gov Team too. (For some strange reason they all seem to be concentrated in my AP Chem class.) And they are amazing people. If people that amazing couldn’t do as well as last year’s 1st Place team, all arrows point to next year’s team doing worse.

    Well people always say that, but I think it does make a difference. Or even if not, well, that’s the only benchmark of success right now in AHS, even if it isn’t a good or healthy one.

    Alright. I’ve invented a new benchmark of success in AHS. Count the number of times you laugh every day. Call this number the Li-Cheung Quotient or something if you’d like.

  4. k says:

    I was trying to reference the “grass is always greener on the other (side of the) hill” thesis I used in my soccer post. With my bad, non-AP English skills.

    Oh, lol. I forgot about that line.

    Hahaha, Mr. D said that? That’s totally quotable.

    Well, I kind of paraphrased, but yeah, he was saying that the cliche “practice makes perfect” is wrong. He said “Perfect practice makes perfect.” And something about how practicing bad doesn’t help you.

    Everything has pointed to Gov Team being desirable? It didn’t pique my interest enough to even warrant attending the initial meeting. They’re not going to be doing anything amazing next year in all likelihood.

    Well, obviously, what is desirable for me might not be desirable for you. It’s not really about how amazingly they’ll do, I just want to join it because I thought it would be fun (and help on college apps, too, I guess). I found the topics they study and the way the compete to be interesting. And I guess also the desire to be part of a real team. Like I was saying, I enjoy watching these team sports, and I wish I could be a part of them, but obviously I’m not athletically talented enough. And there’s golf, but we’re probably the least bonded team at AHS, because it’s more of an individual sport where we just add our scores, and because golf is naturally a narcisstic sport.

    Of course I am completely ignorant and know nothing about the team and what it does and what they won this year, but I recall hearing they did horribly this year.
    And I may be openly insulting them, but I know a lot of people on Gov Team too. (For some strange reason they all seem to be concentrated in my AP Chem class.) And they are amazing people. If people that amazing couldn’t do as well as last year’s 1st Place team, all arrows point to next year’s team doing worse.

    Well, again, it’s not about how well the team could do next year. But still, I don’t think they did that terribly. It’s hard to follow up a national championship performance. I’m sure there are amazing people every year, maybe last year’s were just more amazing. And there are some people in our year that are somewhat amazing too. But yeah, I wasn’t really eager to join because I forecasted great success.

    Alright. I’ve invented a new benchmark of success in AHS. Count the number of times you laugh every day. Call this number the Li-Cheung Quotient or something if you’d like.

    lol.

  5. Benji says:

    oh here’s another measurement of success. Post the message “life sux i’m going to kill myself” on your facebook, and count the number of “friends” who seriously respond.

    I was going to go for “stand on roof of high building where all your friends can see you, and see how many will risk their lives to save you” but you (or your friends) might accidentally actually fall.

    oh, I remember “perfect practice makes perfect”. hehe.

    I find it a testament to your awesomeness that you’re actually joining the team because you want to bond with the other members and have fun studying topics you’re actually interested in, instead of doing everything for the college app, making friends to use as “connections”, and not caring about the studying. Especially how you don’t care if the team isn’t going to do well next year in the competition.

    Like I was saying, I enjoy watching these team sports, and I wish I could be a part of them, but obviously I’m not athletically talented enough. And there’s golf, but we’re probably the least bonded team at AHS, because it’s more of an individual sport where we just add our scores, and because golf is naturally a narcisstic sport.

    There are other academic teams, clubs, and honor societies. Although I admit that most of them are corrupt and mostly serve the purpose of providing the officers with an excuse to write “NHS President” or something on their apps. And never caring about the actual activities. But still, you could try to introduce actual… caring… into the team/club/honor society.

    Or go with the flow and use your connections with Andy (OSB captain), me, and Hanchan (math team) and other people you know to sneak your way into college-enticing groups. You actually have more connections than most people.

  6. k says:

    oh here’s another measurement of success. Post the message “life sux i’m going to kill myself” on your facebook, and count the number of “friends” who seriously respond.

    I was going to go for “stand on roof of high building where all your friends can see you, and see how many will risk their lives to save you” but you (or your friends) might accidentally actually fall.

    That sounds interesting…but not like anything I would ever do.

    I find it a testament to your awesomeness that you’re actually joining the team because you want to bond with the other members and have fun studying topics you’re actually interested in, instead of doing everything for the college app, making friends to use as “connections”, and not caring about the studying. Especially how you don’t care if the team isn’t going to do well next year in the competition.

    Well, first, I’m not joining the team, lol.

    And yeah, well, originally it was mostly for the college app, but as I learned more, it seemed like something I would actually want to do without the whole college app thing. And yeah, I don’t think random “connections” in Gov team are that significant. I would know most of the people anyway.

    And I do care about well the team does, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to decide whether to try out for a team or not based on how well I think it will do next year. I probably would be totally off in my prediction anyway.

    There are other academic teams, clubs, and honor societies. Although I admit that most of them are corrupt and mostly serve the purpose of providing the officers with an excuse to write “NHS President” or something on their apps. And never caring about the actual activities. But still, you could try to introduce actual… caring… into the team/club/honor society.

    There are, but I don’t qualify for most…and yeah, they’re all corrupt and stuff. I’m not going to spend effort to try and introduce “caring”. It’s pointless, and besides, I’m not on some noble quest to do stuff like that, lol. I just wanted to join something that already had a purpose…

    Or go with the flow and use your connections with Andy (OSB captain), me, and Hanchan (math team) and other people you know to sneak your way into college-enticing groups. You actually have more connections than most people.

    Um, I guess I could, but I don’t know how successful that would be. Even if you guys decided to, which you might not, because you guys actually have some semblance of morals, idk if you guys would be able to, lol. And randomly joining OSB, math, and physics team senior year is wierd, and probably wouldn’t help much, because they like activities you’ve spent a few years on. Which is another reason why gov team was good; nobody can join until senior year.

    And yeah, I also don’t have any real intrest in any of your guys’ teams, lol.

  7. Benji says:

    Well, first, I’m not joining the team, lol.

    Lol yeah sorry.

    There are, but I don’t qualify for most…and yeah, they’re all corrupt and stuff. I’m not going to spend effort to try and introduce “caring”. It’s pointless, and besides, I’m not on some noble quest to do stuff like that, lol. I just wanted to join something that already had a purpose…

    You may not actually be on a noble quest to do that kind of stuff, but you can tell the college admissions officer you were on a noble quest to do that kind of stuff.

    Um, I guess I could, but I don’t know how successful that would be. Even if you guys decided to, which you might not, because you guys actually have some semblance of morals, idk if you guys would be able to, lol. And randomly joining OSB, math, and physics team senior year is wierd, and probably wouldn’t help much, because they like activities you’ve spent a few years on. Which is another reason why gov team was good; nobody can join until senior year.

    It’s not like the admissions officer knows (or cares) that nobody can join until senior year. For all they know, nobody can join Physics Team until their senior year either.

    And yeah, I also don’t have any real intrest in any of your guys’ teams, lol.

    You could take AP Physics B/C next year, and maybe that’ll spark an interest in physics.

    But I guess you’re right, if I were to ask you what you were interested in, you’d probably include gov and politics, so I guess Gov Team really would be a nice match for you.

  8. k says:

    You may not actually be on a noble quest to do that kind of stuff, but you can tell the college admissions officer you were on a noble quest to do that kind of stuff.

    Doubt they would believe/care.

    It’s not like the admissions officer knows (or cares) that nobody can join until senior year. For all they know, nobody can join Physics Team until their senior year either.

    Hm. Idk, well, I could make them know in the essay or something…idk…well still, it makes me feel better that I couldn’t have made it before, lol.

    You could take AP Physics B/C next year, and maybe that’ll spark an interest in physics.

    But I guess you’re right, if I were to ask you what you were interested in, you’d probably include gov and politics, so I guess Gov Team really would be a nice match for you.

    Well, I was interested in physics as a kid, lol, when I read biographies of Richard Feynman and Einstein. But yeah, I’ve decided not to take physics in HS, because I know I’m not going to be good at it, and I can’t ruin my GPA more.

    And yeah, that’s why I wanted to get in. Blah. At least there’s a week of spring break between my finding out and everyone that made it talking about the next round.

  9. Benji says:

    Doubt they would believe/care.

    Hey, admissions officers are all ears for stories of leadership and honor.

    Well, I was interested in physics as a kid, lol, when I read biographies of Richard Feynman and Einstein. But yeah, I’ve decided not to take physics in HS, because I know I’m not going to be good at it, and I can’t ruin my GPA more.

    If you want to keep your interest in physics intact don’t take Physics B at AHS. Eguez is a good teacher though, and I think you’d do okay in the class.

    But yeah, if you were interested as a kid, pick it up again. Who knows, you could be brilliant.

    And yeah, that’s why I wanted to get in. Blah. At least there’s a week of spring break between my finding out and everyone that made it talking about the next round.

    That’s the spirit! Optimism ftw.

  10. k says:

    Hey, admissions officers are all ears for stories of leadership and honor.

    I can only exxagerate the truth so much, lol.

    If you want to keep your interest in physics intact don’t take Physics B at AHS. Eguez is a good teacher though, and I think you’d do okay in the class.

    But yeah, if you were interested as a kid, pick it up again. Who knows, you could be brilliant.

    Intact? I don’t have much interest anymore. And not to be pessimistic, but I’m fairly certain I won’t do well. I’m not good at all the abstract concepts and math.

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